update: The Clutch link is fixed. Thanks for catching that, Matt!
Being married to a pastor is unique. There are the crazy parts--like our Christmases and Easters, which could be compared to an accountant's tax season. It's easy to catch people looking at you a little differently when you've admitted your relationship to the youth minister. You know who you can be real with, and those would rather you weren't. The Church can sometimes become the other woman, but then, in another moment, she's your child, for whom you want the best.
But the way I like to look at it is having backstage passes to God's work. I can't tell you how encouraging it is to have my husband come home with news of someone whose life has changed. I used to be able to be there with B, praying and loving our church members through event after church service after Bible study. But now I have my own little disciple, who goes to bed early and needs her Sundays a little more slow-paced. So I stay home from things a lot, althugh I have loved this season too, as different as it is. But I also love, love seeing the moving work of the Holy Spirit, even if it's just hearing about it.
I will admit, at first, it was scary. I had envisioned this "role" of a pastor's wife being just as romantic as it looked. I mean, I assumed it wasn't--but NOT to its true extent. I soon found out how scary faith is. It didn't come with a bow and a happy ending...at least not at first. It's like walking in a fog, and only until it clears can you see reality....and how far you've come. I thought I'd have the company of my spiritual heroes, but now I realize they were probably just as terrified at first as I've been. When I read Band of Brothers a few years ago, a quote resonated with me when one of the men said, "I almost wanted to thank Hitler for starting the war so I could meet these men." I'm definitely not thanking any assumed dictator, but this war we're waging here on earth makes me even more motivated for wholeness of the Church. The wounds and chaos that have been reeked on mine and any other person's life in spiritual leadership is just like anyone else's. But when we see or experience healing for ourselves--we know it can be done for everyone else. Why else would we take on such a strange career?
I'm such a work in progress--that's incredibly obvious. I often feel inadequate and have left my own and anyone else's expectations at the door...but that's the only way I can function. Anything good in me is from God, and frankly, I'm too exhausted in general to fake some weird kind of perfection anyway.:)
I love meeting other pastor's wives--I see the same knowing look in their eyes--married to the ministry and so much more! Clutch, a blog that connect's other pastors' wives, will be referring any DFW pastor's wives here at This is Not a Rough Draft in hopes that we can connect for a dinner or event that I've agreed to help host. So, if you're in the DFW area, or close, *coughKyliecough*, please leave me a message in the comments with your contact info! I think they'll be referring PWs here on Sunday or sometime next week, but hopefully, it will be soon!
And, if you aren't a pastor's wife, hug yours and let her be herself. She'll love you for it.